Department Store...

It was a nice saturday afternoon in the fall, I decided to go ahead and buy a sweater for the cold weather. My dad wanted to tag along so he can find something for himself as well.

Dad: Caloi, yunidtubayshus.... (you need to buy shoes)
Caloi: *???* i have enough shoes dad, i'm here for some sweaters...
Dad: NO! aynidnyu shus... (i need new shoes)
Caloi: ok...if you need new shoes, why cant you buy some?
Dad: liiisen, aynidshus, i will jas get yor olwans. go ahead enbay nyuwan...(listen, i need shoes, i will just get your old ones. go ahead and buy new ones.)
Caloi: Dad...that doesnt make any sense. if you want new shoes, buy some, i like my shoes, i'm not giving any of them to you...

Dad: FINE! wateber....



i dunno what it is, but my dad thinks it's advantageous for me if i buy new ones, and he can snatch some of my old ones. i dont like that, i like every shoe i buy and i keep them well maintained. and by the way, he does talk like that, he speaks 3 languages and 2 Philippine dialects. he's got a reeeeaaally thick accent and he mixes up the words sometimes.

So i find my sweaters, a nice pair of DKNY's they're on sale and they went with the clothes i already have so there i was...looking for my dad. and he returns with a box and a smile on his face...

CaLoi: Dad, you cant be serious....
Dad: huway? huwat's yor froblem? (why? what's your problem?)
Caloi: DAD?!? those are the exact same pair of shoes i bought last week?!
Dad: *acting surprised* aydonkno? (i dont know?)
Caloi: Dad, I wore those shoes for a week straight! you should've noticed...
Dad: *acting surprised again* aydontlukatyorpoot?! (i dont look at your feet?!)
CaLoi: Dad, can't you buy a different kind?
Dad: disis da onliwan witawt strings...i donklayk istriiiings. (this is the only one without laces, i dont like laces)
CaLoi: i'm sure they have other slip-ons without laces dad, let's go look...
Dad: NO! aylaykdis... (i like this!)
CaLoi: But dad?! we'll be at work wearing the same shoes?! that's not right...
Dad: well, notmaipolt...yushudhav bot a deferent shus. (not my fault, you should have bought a different pair)
CaLoi: DAD!? i bought them first?
Dad: I donk knodat...
CaLoi: that's why i'm telling you to get a different pair?!
Dad: But aylaykdis...
CaLoi: Dad, I...
Dad: Mebeyu shud istap wering yor shu. Peepol mayt tink yor trying tohbi laykmi. yukno...(maybe you should stop wearing yours, people might think your trying to be like me, you know...)
CaLoi: How am i trying to be like you when i bought those shoes f....
Dad: Yah! yushud istap wering dem bicos peepol mayt tink wer tra-ying toh luk kyut... aym olredikyut (Yeah! you should stop wearing them because people might think we're trying to look cute)

So the motive was clear, he wanted me to buy a new pair so he can sequester the shoes i bought last week, by some cruel fate, he finds the exact same pair at the department store.

I knew i wasnt gonna win this argument...so i let him get the shoes. Monday came and everyone at work luuuuved his new shoes... complimenting him and stuff...saying that he has good taste... it sickened me...

That afternoon. i enter the house and there was this inexplicable stench emanating from the living room.
I go there to see what was causing the horrid smell and i see my dad laying on the couch...feet in the air.

CaLoi: Dad?! what's that smell?!?!?
Dad: dis... *gestures toward his feet with his lips.*
CaLoi: dang!? go take a shower...put some powder on them things! gosh! it stinks in here! lemme open a window!
Dad: aydonklayk dows shus enimor....dey isteeengk. (i dont like those shoes anymore, they stink)
CaLoi: i can see that...rather...i can smell it.
Dad: yorpootdont esteengk? we had seym shu.... (your feet dont stink, we had the same shoe.)
CaLoi: well dad, they're 100% leather, did you wear sweatsocks?
Dad: huwat is, swetsak?
Caloi: socks that absorb your sweat and is silverlined to kill bacteria...so it doesnt isteeeengk *mockingly*
Dad: i donk knodat....gibmi deferent shu. (i didnt know that, give me a different pair.)
Caloi: what?! hell no?!
Dad: iyl gibyu mayshu, i donklayk dem nomor....yulaykdem rayt? yu bot a peyr.... (i'll give you mine, you like them too right? you even bought a pair!)
CaLoi: uhhh, dad? why would i want the same pair of shoes? plus, yours already stink.
Dad: Fine! wateber...

so i go upstairs to change into gym clothes...i got my underarmor sweat shirt, socks, shirt, jogging pants...where the hell are my Jordans??? I looked everywhere...everywhere i might have left them...basement, closet, room, bathroom, back porch...nowhere.

Caloi: Daaaaaaad?
Dad: snoring *faking sleep*

Yeah beside the stench of his feet, something definitely smelled fishy...i go upstairs in his room and find my jordans under his bed....haaay, ang hirap magpalaki ng magulang!!!!!